Blindsided: Teen Girls When Your Boyfriend Surprisingly Dumps You

Teen girls … so what do you do when your boyfriend pulls the plug, rips the carpet out from under you, and out of nowhere, for lack of better words, just well, dumps you ? I mean after all, that’s what he did. It was just a few hours ago that you were sauntering along, blissfully in a relationship certain he was the one because he continually told you as much. He said that you are the girl who he wants to be with not just for today, but forever.

Looking back you realize there was no way for you to know otherwise. That today was the day that he was going to turn around and blindside you with this news of a “break-up.” You take people at face value. So aside from what he was telling you, that he was “there” with you, on the same page, looking to the future, how could you have known that it would in fact come to this?

You feel betrayed, almost used in a sense. Since he dumped you, you have not been able to shake the feeling that he created a facade. He pretended. He led you to think that everything was ‘normal.’ You feel his words “I love you” were said in vain. You don’t trust he ever meant them … and rightly so. It is impossible to believe that he can change his mind seemingly overnight. You question how in a matter of 48 hours he went from sending you a text on Monday with the three most powerful words “I love you” to two days later uttering “I think we need to break-up.” After all, feelings are not an electrical outlet switch that you can just turn on or off. So the only explanation that you can think of is that he has been leading you along for God knows how long to fulfill some agenda of his own…

And now you don’t know what to do. Where to go, who to talk to, and the mere thought of telling others of your demise is enough to make you almost want to hurl-up your latte. The person you trusted the most has instituted the ultimate betrayal anyone can possibly do to another … he lied to you. After all, he must have “known” somewhere along the way, much sooner than when he spoke those words that you were not on the same page. When he got that “feeling” that things just weren’t right, this is when he should have come to you. But he didn’t.  So now what?

The Verdict … moving on

It is okay for people to change their minds or to get scared and have doubts about what they are doing, especially when in a relationship. What is not right is keeping feelings hidden from the other person who these thoughts will affect.  In this instance that person was you.  It was wrong for him not to share his feelings with you earlier on. Whether the thoughts of doubt swirling his head have to do with fear of commitment, that you annoy him in some regard, or that he is unsure if he is ready to settle down, or any of the many other reasons someone would initiate a break up … he should have told you when the doubts first began. Not days or weeks later. In a sense he didn’t give you or your relationship a chance.  The chance to figure out if the weird feeling that he feels (but can’t articulate its meaning into words) is an ultimate deal breaker, or if there is a way for him to work through them and get beyond it.

Relationships aren’t easy and doubts will arise, but if he has the ability to get in touch with his feelings then there is hope. It seems that unfortunately many guys find it easier to end things when the honeymoon is over. Yet, what they do not understand is that the honeymoon period will not last. It is not meant to and there are many reasons why. The next phase of the cycle, “power struggles” while distressful, and is when most relationships end (1 year anniversary or so), can be overcome. If as a couple you can get beyond the struggles, then you will enter into a better, more content stage – commitment.

However, what happens more times than not, is that guys (of all ages, not just teens) don’t realize that they will never find someone “perfect” because perfect people don’t exist. Some will obsess about getting everything needed done for school so they keep “to do” lists to ensure they are on track. Others will leave the last Dorito in the package just to avoid having to be the person to get-up and throw it away. Yet others will routinely drop off of a texting conversation without warning and not officially ‘sign-off.’ You see there are many annoying traits that we as humans can have, because we all have our faults. If he cannot (1) recognize that you are not perfect and that nobody is (2) have the ability to find a place where he “gets” that good qualities should always outweigh the bad and find acceptance in other’s faults or (3) share with you those things that which bother him so that you have the opportunity to change, then ladies, he is just NOT relationship material at this point. He is not mature enough to handle a real commitment which takes compromise and acceptance, and he actually did you a favor by letting you go.

If the reason he ended it has to do with (1) he just isn’t ready to settle down (2) doesn’t see himself with you 10 years from now (without being able to articulate the reasons why he doesn’t see you together) (3) “just knows” he does not want to have a girlfriend, again he is NOT relationship material at this point. And once more, he did you a favor by letting you go. Now you are free to find someone emotionally capable of handling a relationship.

While it hurts that this has come to end, you have to remember … life goes on. There is someone and something greater in store for you.

If you are searching for tips on how to handle your break-up check out these other Contemporary Teen features for some insight: Teen Girls: How to Mend a Broken Heart and How to Survive the Initial Break-up.

Remember it is okay to be sad and to feel hurt, but do not let it be the “be all, end all.” We all experience break-ups, it is a part of life. And we all move on. Like Aaliyah’s song goes … just “dust yourself off, and try again.”