One of the best feelings hands down, as a teen girl, is when you meet a new guy and there is an instant, mutual, attraction. You feel giddy and alive with pleasure. It’s as if butterflies have taken up permanent residency in your stomach. Every time that you receive a text from him, a huge smile consumes your face. All thoughts surround him and you know that he feels the same way about you too. He is your first vision when you wake, and your last when your head hits the pillow. It’s pure, utter bliss. You do everything together, and check in several times throughout the day ‘just because.’ It seems that you are on the same page when it comes to every little detail from what to eat, to where to hangout. Your relationship is in full swing and you couldn’t be happier. But then suddenly, somewhere down the road something changes. You just feel it. There is a lag time in between text messages, he doesn’t call during the day anymore, and further you start to disagree on where to go and what to do with your free time. Naturally you start to feel insecure thinking perhaps he’s found someone else or that his feelings for you are waning. It’s unsettling and you have no idea how your relationship could have gone from 100% intensity to this. Before you start freaking out, crying and becoming hysterical you need to realize what likely is really happening. The honeymoon period is o-v-e-r. Why? Because it can’t last forever – it is impossible. So yes, while it is unsettling that you notice a drastic change, you can get through it.
Why Does the Honeymoon End?
What many don’t realize is that the relationship process is a cycle with various stages. Most research claims that the typical process goes something along the lines of the image below. However, you will find that different ‘experts’ in fact change the name of each stage, but the premise is the same.
Honeymoon/Lust –> Power Struggle –> Commitment/Acceptance –> Marriage
When you start to date a new boyfriend it is only natural to put your best foot forward. You want him to like you and therefore, you are more inclined to bite your tongue on issues that bother you. Additionally, you will be much more willing to try things he likes to do that you otherwise normally wouldn’t. For example, if you don’t like football, Star Trek, or Family Guy, but he does, you might watch it anyway because you are eager to please. In turn he does the same for you. It’s almost as if you subconsciously hide all negative aspects of yourself. So all is seemingly “perfect” because you agree on everything and it appears you have so much in common. This behavior characterizes the honeymoon phase. However, this can’t and won’t last forever. There comes a point where one of you will realize that you would rather be doing anything but what you are doing just because your partner enjoys it. Often one of you will come to this realization first, leaving the other to feel extremely unsettled.
Statistics say that the honeymoon phase of a romantic relationship can last anywhere from six to 18 months. This is not really a long time when put in perspective of a lifetime together. The length is really dependent on the couple and how fast the relationship progresses. Therefore, because the next stage, which is often dubbed power-struggle is usually quite distressing, many relationships end within a year. However, there is hope, so check back for Contemporary Teen’s follow-up article, After the Honeymoon: Surviving Power Struggles to learn how your relationship can last!
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